Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
