i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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