i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
