This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
