Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
