is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
