Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
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