My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
