What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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