Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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