Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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