Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
