drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I think my fart just growled at me.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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