it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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