I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
two words: eviction party
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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