I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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