Sponge bath it is.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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