dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
