I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
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There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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