If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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