I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
