First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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