Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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