next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
