I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
