He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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