i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Randomize
