I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
