Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
