Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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