and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
