I seem to have left my pride at pride
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
