Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
