How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
