Where is the hickey?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
