I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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