I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
