you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
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Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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