genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
