It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
