I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
cat food counts as protein by the way
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
