wake up i wanna do it froggy style
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
