i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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