Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
