sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have post one night stand depression
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