So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
