She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
