I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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