I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
