you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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