plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
