I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
