so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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