Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
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