I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
