Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
