Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
