I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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