I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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