I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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