Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
is wine microwaveable?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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