i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You smell like a Billy Joel song
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
