Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
