apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
