I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
