just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
