you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
