Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
